Being ripped away from any adventure will make a person feel and left feeling betrayed in someway. I came across this journal written from a solo hike I did early in 2016. I was still adjusting to life back in society and found journaling (as it always is for me) a good outlet.
I cried in the woods because I needed to, I missed this. The wind, the smell of pine and of dirt. I mourned the person I was and feel heartache for the person I feel I have become. The woods soothe me.
I longed for the life before, during, and even shortly after. Not really knowing which I would prefer anymore. Any life but the one now. I’m lost in this one.
I cried out to the trees for strength and purpose. For the life that I know always waits here but now seems so hard to find.
I cried out for family but they know not who I am any more.
I long to be feral. No longer apart of this world I’ve been thrown back into but also not wanting to be alone.
I fear myself, my own power that I know now that I carry.
I cried for all humans, for the way we were made to be. The way that is now lost and forgotten. I have seen only glimpses but what I have seen has changed me.
My soul longs for the life secluded but dreads the path to get there.
I need my grandmother and grandfather. I miss them. What would they think of me? The true mother makes me feel close to them, connected to something, anything. I am at home in her; Mother Earth. I came from her and one day I will return.
Sounds of the others I try to deny, they invade my thoughts. I stay quite for a time listening for the sounds of my animal brothers around me. Trying to hold on to their world.
I cry because here, I am truly happy. I wish never to leave.
(Picture featured above is not from the same hike as the one in the journal, I just liked the picture.)
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